If you watch “Kitchen Nightmares”, you know that running a restaurant is hard. The two biggest problems are always that the owner’s family is hard to get along with and the food isn’t very good. I’m not Chef Ramsey, so I won’t attempt to fix your family by yelling at you, but I’ve got a couple bits of advice to any restaurant owner that make your food much better.
- Tabasco isn’t a hot sauce. It’s a red, watery cop-out. Usually I need hot sauce to cover up your boring burrito or still partially frozen hash browns, so do yourself a favor and don’t give me something that tastes worse. Cholula. Get some.
- If you’re about to put a handful of shredded iceberg lettuce on something, instead, turn your hand around and punch yourself in the face. It’s the packing-peanut of the food world. And please don’t, under any circumstance, put a plate of shredded lettuce on a plate, cover it with pizza cheese, and call it a side salad.
- Cheerios, boxed donuts, and a broken juice machine do not constitute a continental breakfast. Even in Antarctica, people eat better than that for breakfast.